Unique, Innate, The Power of Thoughts.

Thoughts. Each in our own mind and each containing every random piece of information, feeling, and experience we attain in our every day. Looking across the room, I wonder if anyone else is thinking the same thing I’m thinking. In this world I wonder if anyone in this exact moment is experiencing this sheer joy of walking past a little bird. Instead of simply flying, she jumps from branch to branch, leaf to leaf in order to reach the other side of the tree. Thinking, that days are better spent enjoying every second, rather than waiting, focusing, and spending all energy into the perceived ending to come. Why not love and embrace the journey, rather than sit until you reach the destination? Thoughts. Your own narrative to your own world in your own mind to your own soul. What are you thinking? I wish I knew. I could people watch all day and be thoroughly and completely entertained. I love seeing how people act when they think no one is watching. Watching a bulky, athletic, 6’4 man look into the window of the pet store to see that little puppy and smile, because he secretly has a soft spot despite his gallant demeanor.  Watching a five-year-old boy drop little pieces of popcorn all over the carpet skeptically peek slightly to see if anyone saw him. Watching the irony of a woman walk out of a store with cigarettes and a lottery ticket and think nothing of it. Watching a homeless man with a sign saying “need money for food” go into a liquor store five minutes later. It’s funny experiencing these moments. You feel like although you may have seen something morally wrong, insignificant or futile, it doesn’t matter, because you have seen into the integrity of that other, anonymous, fellow human being’s soul. It is the beauty of the naked truth. It doesn’t matter what the circumstance, you just feel the prerogative you have just acquired leading you to feel some sort of omnipotence, some god-like quality, and the ability to have witnessed a raw and candid moment. I always wonder what it would be like if people’s true thoughts were shown outwardly. When you ask someone a simple question, “Do you want to go camping?” and they respond “yeah!”, but their face has this look between a mix of fear and repulsion, picturing the virtually unknown that nature surprises you with. People would be coerced to be honest simply because if they were not they would look absolutely ridiculous. Of course we as humans obtain thoughts that should never be said, and that no one should ever hear, but the concept is an interesting one. Thoughts that run through my head sometimes, such as.. “what if hands were claws…or if we had a hook…or if we had webbed fingers..haha.. how weird..” would really not identify with the person I am sitting nearby and they would most likely not be amused at all and in fact I’m embarrassed to even write this in my anonymous blog.   .“When you’ve been married a long time, you get to know what the other person thinks.” “No, you don’t.”  

 

Thoughts that run through my head when I do say them aloud tend to only make sense in my own mind anyway. That’s the beauty and power of thinking. It’s spontaneous. Sometimes unimportant, sometimes silly, sometimes life-changing. We’re unique beings. We each have our own identity, our own mind, our own power to create something beautiful and powerful by listening and flowing off of our own creative dreams and intellect. It amazes me. The mystery of what others are thinking is almost like a powerful thought itself. Knowing that the person next to you is thinking intently about something, someone, or somewhere. What are they picturing? What consists of the narration they are reading to themselves in this moment and how will it affect their story? Intrigued, mysterious, strange and unprecedented thought. “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.”  

skies

Skies 

 

Why won’t you tell me all my senses tell me

Your eyes tell me its true invariably repetitively genuinely

Is it true is it real is it here am I dreaming

When the musics on lyrics beating on my chest and I look in the sky

And I see your eyes but the skies and the sighs and the lies but the ties.

Shaking trees and soft drawn light

a kiss in the dark and coming of night

shifting of skin and healing of scars

myriads of a semblance of us broken by bars

fading strangely by faint and taint

not us no its them

how can we end when we have not yet started

you think why should we be when we have been parted

distance it is land it is length it is not substance

a chance at the real thing is not a matter of destination

a chance at love is a matter of travel

fearful, we may lose what is in our hands now

no

we could be one we confide we love and we die

we all turn to dust there are few you can trust

lets walk up a downward escalator

and toss in shuffling leaves of November

lets roll out of a tunnel and run through traffic 

and kiss in the rain while forgetting the passers by 

you know this is real and so do i

we’re puppets instruments

good, your intentions may be

but you can’t make this so hard on me

out of a hole, climb

you climbed out in my dream where you showed at my doorstep

sure and real ready to abandon our untrackable track

theres a crinkle in the ocean

take us from this gravity that pulls us

we are one in the same I know

but I have to know if I feel that you are me

and I am you, and we could be

but I feel that we are worlds away

less alive than puppets

led by words and thoughts not of our own

only by the years of past that have been sewn

can only be one if no doubt of clouds of skies and goodbyes

of lies and cries and sighs and ties.

 

 

 

 

Be Yourself, But Be Your Best Self

Tonight I’m home alone. A house of 6 girls absent, I’m here. Let go, relax. Blast your music and have a dance party in your house. Trust me, it feels amazing. I felt exhilarated, free, loud, obnoxious, crazy, and cheery. If feels so good to have even 30 minutes of complete freedom and time to just be yourself! It made me think of judgment and how although so many say, “I don’t judge other people,” it is human instinct not to. I wonder what life would be like if there was no judgment. When people saw the homeless man on the corner as not a failure or monster, but just another human going through a time of struggle. If the single 16 year old mother was looked at with compassion and sympathy, rather than disgust and intolerance. Everyone would be equal, free from comparisons and prejudices. It would be transformational. Great.

 

But you meet people every day right? In a coffee shop, on the street, in a store. Whether for one minute or for 10 years that person has had a time and place in your life. They inspire, outrage, encourage, laugh. How is your life impacted by those people? The people who you may never see again. I think about my life and the people I’ve met. How one woman I met in a long line in Starbucks had such a vibrant laugh that it was infectious. “Pop”, a man I was judgmental of: A poor African-American carrying a trash bag, with silver teeth and dred locks, on a city bus in San Francisco, with a smile from ear to ear that admired and applauded the mission work we were doing there, and love overflowing straight from his heart. A bad day, I was in the mall walking alone. Thinking about things, my face reflected my emotions, angry, lost, confused. Walking quickly, without noticing a man walking in the opposite direction, he simply said “smile” in an uplifting, cheery sort of way. I will never forget that moment. He brought me out of my self-centeredness and I thought, wow, I had no idea that I was living my fears and feelings. I had no idea how inapproachable I could be because of the way I thought. He inspired me to smile, to change my thought process to enjoy life with a smile on my face. Simply, smile. Mrs. Galyean, my second grade teacher, always smiled. She told us to “be yourself but be your best self.” Early on in my life I saw the importance of striving for your goals, dreaming, and living with the best intentions. Sadie, a 101 year old woman laying in the bed next to my grandmother, sick, but content in her life. She had such a bright outlook on life always trying to cheer everyone up and lighten the mood of the old folks home. When she was the one who was sick in a bed, she was the one who laughed.